The Body Shutdown: Feeling Like Your Body is Telling You to Die


Last night, I think I consumed an all-time high of carbs. I was slurping in Coke with a straw, my lips barely able to grasp the stupid thing. Candy, chocolate, you name it, I ate it.

My stomach was churning and I just laid on my couch, feeling the energy being sucked right out of me.

That’s when things got weird. I’m not sure if I ever felt this way before (maybe I blocked it out of my mind), but last night, I felt my body shutting down slowly.

Breathing became eerily calm and slow. My body felt light and airy. My physical body felt defeated.

It was over an hour before I felt like something inside me sparked and back I came. This was one of the most frightening experiences. And yet today, if you saw me, it was like nothing ever happened.

This. is. invisible. illness.

When Silence Matters


Sometimes taking a step back is just as important as being present.

I’ve been having a really rough time. I’ve been exhausted. And just wondering how to continue on. I remember my life before all the health problems-and yet it feels like forever ago.

I know I have to. Because there are people who love me, and there’s a journey I need to take to get to a better place-so I can give back to the world too. But oh, my, this is tough.

It’s been an amazing experience to just go offline. To put the phone away and just be. To not distract myself and face pain head on.

One thing that has really helped me is humour. Watching standup shows and comedies.

Here is one of my favourites!




One Touch Verio Flex-worth the switch?


What would it take for you to switch meters?

That’s what I ask myself every time a new one hits the market.

The latest I’ve tried is the One Touch Verio Flex (pictured above). It’s features include a simple color idenfication system (blue=low, green=in range, red=high). There’s also an app that lets you see your numbers and trends on your phone.

Currently, I am using this bad boy. The OneTouch Mini:


I LOVE that the mini is so small and I like the colour. Yes, the design matters to me. Yay for soft curves and simple buttons. Since I have the CGM, this meter serves me well. I don’t use it to identify trends. All I really need is something to tell me where I’m at and so I can calibrate.


Despite its fairly nice design and app (which I didn’t end up looking at all that much but it’s definitely a nice-to-have, especially if you don’t have a CGM), I wouldn’t switch over. The strips are too ‘prickly’. They are awkward, and in a low, I have trouble testing myself let along with a strip that has two prongs.

If you are new to diabetes management and don’t quite understand your numbers, then I would see the value in this meter as the color coding makes it very simple to understand where you sitting at.

Still on the lookout for my dream meter: a light where the strip is inserted, modern and sleek design in my perfect world, being able to test underwater.

You can dream right?

Late night #t1d confession

I am so tired. I’m drained and frustrated and just feel like lying in bed (with a big box of tissues in hand).

Today was a particularly awful day. My anxiety was sky high and throughout the day, I just ended up sobbing and burying my head.

This is when my type 1 diabetes can come and just wreak havoc on me. Last night I was sky high and I felt it in the morning. Throughout the day I was just shot.

This disease never gives you a break. And sometimes when you’re down, it feels like it’s just kicking you. Spitting at you. And taking an unflattering photo and posting it online.

I know people have it a lot worse. But today I just had to let everything sink in and just be.

Tomorrow is a new day.


I discovered online last week these amazing cards made specifically for people with type 1! When I checked out their site again today, it lifted my spirits a bit. I love the message, I love the questions and it opens a dialogue that needs to happen. Check out Walk A Mile cards here.


The Concept of Time: Reflections after this Month’s JDRF #t1d Support Group


What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

Ah that old mantra meant for bachelor/bachelorette parties that leave little, if any, scandalous photo evidence.

That motto serves as the unspoken pact between the group. Everyone knows that anything that happens during Vegas time is off limits.


Same goes in our JDRF #t1d adult support group. Logic would tell you it’s hard to trust a bunch of people who for some, are often strangers, but there’s something about these people that make me feel safe.

There are times where I ask myself, “Why am I here? It’s out of the way and really, I think I’m managing okay.” Sometimes I even proclaim, “Nah, I don’t need to come back”. But EVERY. SINGLE. TIME…I end up returning.



The benefits can’t be explained well, because I can’t even describe the feeling I get. It’s just comfy. And nice. And I can say whatever without explaining. And I can be totally distant and quiet, loud and angry and it doesn’t matter. There’s really no judgement.

I’m sad to hear that these types of group don’t exist everywhere. How can we change that? What is the best way to make sure that everyone is able to be part of something like this?

Break out the mic. Adele’s Hello lyrics-type 1 diabetes style

I love Adele. Here’s a fun twist to her hit song Hello.
Hello, it’s me
I was wondering if after all these years you’d really like to leave
and just end everything
They say that time’s supposed to heal ya
But I ain’t done much healing

Hello, can you hear me?

I’m so tired of this roller coaster and what it does to me
When I was younger and free
I didn’t know how that I was feeling freedom from type 1 diabetes

There’s such a difference in my pancreas
And a million pricks

Hello from the other side
I must have prayed a thousand times
To tell you I’m tired of all the highs and lows

But when I do all the right things, you never seem to to let go
Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I’ve tried
To do my best to try to manage this disease
But it don’t matter. It clearly doesn’t make a difference anymore.

Hello, how are you?

It’s so typical of me to put the blame on myself. I’m sorry.
Will a cure come soon?
Would you ever understand the pain and tears that have encompassed me?

And it’s no secret that the both of us
Are running out of time

So hello from the other side (other side)
I must have tested a thousand times (thousand times)

But you know that but still don’t care
And when I ask for a day off, you never seem to respond

Hello from the outside (outside)
At least I can say that I’ve tried (I’ve tried)
To tell you I’ve given my all to make sure I’m healthy
But it don’t matter. It clearly doesn’t mean anything anymore.


Don’t give me flowers. Spare A Rose, Save A Child-IDF Campaign

Spare a Rose 4

Equivalent: two coffees at Starbucks. Less than 2 rides on Toronto Transit.

The concept is simple. Spare one rose this Valentine’s Day (’bout $5) and instead donate to help save a child with diabetes. Click the rose right below to learn more.


Did you click? Click it!

Move more mountains. Look what you can do for such a small amount each day.Spare A Rose 1

spare a rose 2

This is about our community, providing lifesaving supplies to those in need.

spare a rose 3

Check these stats from 2014:


Let’s make this Valentine’s Day the best one yet. So don’t get me flowers, give to the Spare A Rose campaign.

Be Careful What You Wish For: Honeymoon No More?


This past week has scared me. I think my honeymoon period is coming to an end.

After 3 years of it, I was actually getting used to how my body worked and how much insulin to take. I was FINALLY reaching what I felt was a good place.

Now, I need to take double or sometimes triple the amount I usually would. I’m getting weird spikes. I’m slowly freaking out.


What does the future look like? When do I get a pump? Will my tight control go out the window? It feels like it’s past the window and onto the other side of the street lately.

I’m scared. Really scared.

Honeymoon, I wish I would have cherished you more. You don’t know what you got till it’s gone.

My world feels like it’s being tossed up.

Becoming a JDRF Adult Support Group Regular


I’m committed to going on the regular. 2016 is the year of consistency, and for me, that means attending the JDRF adult support group every month. I went in December and tonight and I can say for me the pros definitely outweigh the cons.

Perspective: Although I still feel new and often lost at times within the bunch (in person and online)-I get to meet others who are at all different stages: the veterans, the newly diagnosed, it’s really a mixed bag and it offers a lot of different perspectives.

The greatest advantage is walking away after a few hours and knowing I was in a room with a bunch of people who just get it. I can’t really put a price on that or even describe the magnitude of that pro but let’s just say it’s pretty big for me. Let me stuff my face with cookie crumbs hanging from my lip. Taking 5 pee breaks during the session. No explanation needed.

Mentally, it gives me a power up. Like in Mario!


And now that I’ve been to the meetings enough times, my name card is set out on the table and I know a lot of faces who come to the table. I’m not as nervous as before and I can tell physically that my body is more relaxed. I’m not worrying about how I look or if I’m slouching. I’m just Jess.

That type of familiarity is especially important to me since there has been so much change in my life the last while.

We all want to feel we belong. We all want to be acknowledged. And this group does just that for me.

Next week I have a date with two type 1 friends and when I take inventory, a lot of my close friends now are people living with type 1. That, including some of the interaction I have with people on social media, I have to say there’s a community in-person and online that adds up to something I can’t take for granted in 2016.

This will be a big year for me in so many ways, and with a good team, new endocrinologist and hospital (which I have yet to meet, fingers crossed), place, and fresh new business adventures, it will be one big ride.

Has a support group helped you? Who is part of your diabetes community?

Sending lots of support to you need it, and even if you feel you don’t.

I will do everything -right- and my blood sugars will still do whatever it wants. I will have huge victories and sometimes feel defeated. no matter what though, every day i'm going to set out to try. i will think about how i want my life to





I am not a diabetic.

When I first watched this amazing piece by Prince EA, I thought to myself- I haven’t really admitted to all the nasty things I believe when I label myself. Trust that I can be extremely harsh and abusive.

Sometimes it’s this:

It’s about that label of being a diabetic. Living with diabetes. However you call it.

What have I started and continue to believe about myself with a type 1 diabetes diagnosis, a neurological disorder, hearing impairment?

How do I break this down, shatter these assumptions holding me back? I think it’s first by getting over the fear and starting to share my thoughts.

Here I go.